Christmas Jokes

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

What is the Christmas message in these letters: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?
No "L" (Noel).

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

Why do all the other reindeer have brown noses?
Because they cant stop as quickly as Rudolph!

Did you hear about the family who owned an English pointer and an Irish setter?
The dogs get together at Christmas time and have pointsetters.

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?
Santa Clues.

What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get?
Missile toe.

Why is it so cold at Christmas?
It's in Decembrrrrr.

What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

A reason Santa has to be a man: No woman is going to wear the same outfit, year after year.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

Why does Santa wear red underwear?
He's a man--he did all his laundry in one load.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Why are a lion at the beach and Christmas alike?
Because the lion has sandy claws.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
He likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"? Olive? Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names!"